i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
