She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
