Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
