Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
