sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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