He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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