i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
