More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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