im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
