I wish my penis had an off switch
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
