I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
