your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
whose parrot is this?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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