I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
