I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
