My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have post one night stand depression
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