So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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