Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want her autograph on my taint
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I party with great urgency now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
