I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am one with the molecules
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
