I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
