I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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