So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
