OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
