man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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