Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
