so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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