All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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