I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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