Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
