Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
