you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
