I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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