My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
