Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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