Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
