I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
