i permit you to call me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
