How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
