We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
