i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
