Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
