I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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