You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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