Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
