mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
