I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
