Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
