Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
