dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
