New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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