I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
