Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
50% drunk capacity currently
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
