I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
